We arrived on the in the red light district and were quickly talked into a bar for a "show." 200 baut for a small beer is ridiculously expensive (about $7 cnd) but there was a one drink minimum. I think it was about when the old naked lady on stage started pulling a string of razor blades out somewhere razor blades ought not be pulled from and then cut some people shapes out of a folded piece paper. I ended up buying those paper people because there was three of them and three of us. Memories. The show continued, culminating with the ping pong show. Ping pong balls flew around the bar as customers with paddles tried to return the... serves. We decided to move on.
Quote of the night goes to a bar sign we saw, "50 gorgeous girls and a few ugly ones too." A promoter managed to lure us into a bar with the promise of 100 baut beer and no cover charge. I repeated this to every employee we met on the way up having heard a lot of horror stories about tourist traps\scams on Patpong. They all agreed that that was the deal. Inside the bar was super dingy and run down even for a strip club. The girls looked sad on top of being unanimously unattractive. The shows were a poor imitation of what we had already seen at the first bar.
A waitress came around and asked us to pay. We moved to the counter deciding to hit the road. The bill was over 3000 baut ($100 cnd).
"Were not paying that" I said. "We will pay for the beer." The squirrels were looking nervous. I asked the boys to pull out 100 baut each for their beer.
"You saw pussy, you pay now!" Insisted the one of three bartender ladies. Tyler pulled out 1000 baut.
"I don't have any hundreds." he said looking concerned. On of the bartenders took the 1000 from him and I instantly grabbed it and gave it back to him.
"I she takes that you won't get it back." I was starting to get mad.
"You saw pussy, you pay!" The girl repeted.
"100 baut a beer and no cover" I would repeat pointing to the beer money that Damian and I had scraped together. They weren't acknowledging what I was saying.
"You saw pussy, you pay!" She insisted one last time.
"Get fucked!" I roared waving my hands around a bit just in case there was a language barrier. They understood something because all three bartenders gasped and talked really fast between each other. "Let's go Squirrels." I continued grabbing my beer and heading for the door. I went from a little worried to a lot worried when I saw a waitress running towards the big, previously unnoticed, metal door. She got to the door just before us. I was pretty sure we were fucked. As we neared the door something remarkable happened, she opened the door. We quickly made our way down the stairs and past the door men at the street level.
We walked quickly for a block without talking. Ran up to a street bar, bought a Heineken and slammed it. We laughed and retold the story that just happened as the framework of Patpongs night market was ripped down boxed and loaded by forklifts into a back alley. We found a tuk tuk and told them that we needed to get away fast. The driver was young and understood. Off the line he popped the first of many wheelies and tore off into the Bangkok night.
I had accomplished my mission and got Tyler drinking again and we had escaped one of the oldest tourist traps in Bangkok. All in all, a proper adventure.
Quote of the night goes to a bar sign we saw, "50 gorgeous girls and a few ugly ones too." A promoter managed to lure us into a bar with the promise of 100 baut beer and no cover charge. I repeated this to every employee we met on the way up having heard a lot of horror stories about tourist traps\scams on Patpong. They all agreed that that was the deal. Inside the bar was super dingy and run down even for a strip club. The girls looked sad on top of being unanimously unattractive. The shows were a poor imitation of what we had already seen at the first bar.
A waitress came around and asked us to pay. We moved to the counter deciding to hit the road. The bill was over 3000 baut ($100 cnd).
"Were not paying that" I said. "We will pay for the beer." The squirrels were looking nervous. I asked the boys to pull out 100 baut each for their beer.
"You saw pussy, you pay now!" Insisted the one of three bartender ladies. Tyler pulled out 1000 baut.
"I don't have any hundreds." he said looking concerned. On of the bartenders took the 1000 from him and I instantly grabbed it and gave it back to him.
"I she takes that you won't get it back." I was starting to get mad.
"You saw pussy, you pay!" The girl repeted.
"100 baut a beer and no cover" I would repeat pointing to the beer money that Damian and I had scraped together. They weren't acknowledging what I was saying.
"You saw pussy, you pay!" She insisted one last time.
"Get fucked!" I roared waving my hands around a bit just in case there was a language barrier. They understood something because all three bartenders gasped and talked really fast between each other. "Let's go Squirrels." I continued grabbing my beer and heading for the door. I went from a little worried to a lot worried when I saw a waitress running towards the big, previously unnoticed, metal door. She got to the door just before us. I was pretty sure we were fucked. As we neared the door something remarkable happened, she opened the door. We quickly made our way down the stairs and past the door men at the street level.
We walked quickly for a block without talking. Ran up to a street bar, bought a Heineken and slammed it. We laughed and retold the story that just happened as the framework of Patpongs night market was ripped down boxed and loaded by forklifts into a back alley. We found a tuk tuk and told them that we needed to get away fast. The driver was young and understood. Off the line he popped the first of many wheelies and tore off into the Bangkok night.
I had accomplished my mission and got Tyler drinking again and we had escaped one of the oldest tourist traps in Bangkok. All in all, a proper adventure.
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